In a lot of ways, my divorce and recovery prepared me for what the country would shortly faced, afterward and is still facing. Though my other blog, forwardtohappiness.com is more relationship focused, some lessons mirror here, especially when it involves reflection back. I hope this blog can help others realize lessons to help heal the land and readers, faster than it took me to learn the lessons myself.
When there a a sudden change, and the foundation of not only your relationship but self identify falls out from under your feet, there is a strong feeling that you need to reject not only your immediate past but your self foundations, themselves. You FEEL like what you are doing is rejecting a past that allowed you to face the pain, but in reality you are rejecting the SELF you were that let you get hurt and thereby the upbringing and influences that made you that vulnerable.
However, the hard truth you can’t see at first (even harder than that you really reject yourself) is that YOU did nothing wrong, and who you were was not bad. YOU attracted them by yourself, and your upbringing made you confident and emotionally available. Instead of rejecting that, you need to rediscover it. Your shortest path to healing is directly into the foundation of the pain. You need to love your past to love yourself, and THAT will let you heal them and maybe even love the time you had with them, as well.
So, instead of rejecting the past, the path to healing is to say..remember when..